It’s the 21st century and women liberation movements and feminism has made quite a bit of advancement (or so it seems) so is it not officially cool to ask men out?
What’s the big deal in walking up to any man you fancy and asking him out to dinner? It seems harmless enough doesn’t it?
Why shouldn’t you be able to walk up to that handsome hunk you bump into at the grocery store and tell him how you feel?
Call me old fashioned but if you ask me 21st century or not, its still generally a bad idea.
As with any other thing in life when you set out to achieve a goal you sometimes find that there are a number of workable approaches that take you to your desired objective.
But as it turns out, some approaches are better than others.
Some solutions and workarounds give the same or better results with the same amount of or with less effort while others give less returns with massive amounts of investments or effort.
The same applies in picking or choosing a date, mate or spouse or a man.
Just because some of your friends say you can ask men out doesn’t mean you should and I have two reasons for saying so.
One is old fashioned while the other is based on basic psychology.
First the old fashioned reason.
Men still love the hunt. They still love the chase so if you are too easily available then chances are he won’t appreciate you much.
It’s that simple.
Humans generally do not value what they get easily and that includes men.
If you offer yourself to him on a silver platter he is most likely not going to value you that much.
Now I know that there are probably exceptions to this rule but trust me, its better to stay safe than sorry.
Remember what I said about choosing the best route to achieving your goals?
Well if you ask a man out things may work out sometimes but its evidently not the best route to take so don’t do it unless its under the right circumstances and with the right person.
The average man will think you must be desperate if you are asking him out.
He will think it will be easy to get you into bed and unless getting into his bed is your only goal, don’t do it.
The second reason I give not to ask men out is psychological.
There will be times in the future when your relationship takes a downward turn.
At such times your mind will begin to search for the cause.
If you ask a man out first you will begin to feel like he’s treating you badly because you gave yourself to him easily.
At those times you will begin to wonder if he really loves you and it doesn’t help to think that he simply married you because you asked him out.
You begin to wonder if he would ever have asked you out if you didn’t make the first move.
You wonder if he ever found you attractive.
You feel every mistake he makes is intentional because he doesn’t care.
You begin to second guess yourself and your relationship.
Sadly you begin to create or invent problems even when there isn’t one.
Women tend to need a lot of validation from their man and I guess that’s how they’re wired.
That’s the reason why a lady will ask you if you still love her barely a week after you pledge your undying love and devotion to her.
Now given that women naturally have some level of insecurity when it comes to being in a relationship with a man, why would you want to increase that insecurity level by making the first move?
Why would you want to put yourself in a position where you wonder if he only married you because you asked him out and not because he’s crazy about you?
Trust me on this. Don’t ask men; out is not a good idea.
Make yourself Approachable and available (if you are single and seeking to get hooked) but don’t ask men out.
Off course if you are already in a relationship with a man and its beginning to show promise or you are now married there’s nothing wrong with asking your man out or giving him a treat sometimes.
Just don’t do it with strangers or with someone you are looking to be in a relationship with.
There is however a way to make the first move or to show interest in a man. I will be sharing that in my next post, how to ask a man out and make him think he’s asking you out so be sure to check back for it.
I call it the indirect approach and its an effective flirting technique.
If you would like to know more about this then I suggest you read my book “Dating Rules.“
It talks about indirect flirting in more detail.
So what do you think? Do you think its okay or a bad idea to ask men out? Share you experiences with us on this and lets learn from you.
